Watching God

Writing is my way
Of getting to know god
she hides within
Simple truths
And complex delusions
Spilling out
The divine
Spelled out
In my soul
Hoping I’ll learn
To make eye contact
in the dark
All I do is run
I’ve used drugs
To lure myself away
From the mocking reflection
In the muddy river
Of my bloodline
I am a mosaic of
unadulterated power,
addicts,
Alcoholics,
Depression,
And holy water
I’ve kneeled
In front of
church pews and men
Begging for
A new foundation
To elevate me
Above the
Crumbling anxiety and guilt
I stand upon
I’ve parlayed with lambs
With the calculated intentions
Of a self loathing wolf
I’m tired of pretending
To be a good person
You’ve mistaken
This dim candle
For a light house
I was born a tortured love letter
Folded into gods pocket
I’d never let u read me
Two things we hate the most
Are tragedy and power
Despite the seductiveness
You will hang me
By your judgements
A death
I have not yet accepted

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3 thoughts on “Watching God

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